“Leave No One Behind”: The Unbreakable Bond of a Military Veteran Family Caregiver

“That sense of duty and obligation that military people live…their value system, their cultural system…can sometimes be a huge chain with a big lock and somebody is constantly threatening to throw you overboard.”

— veteran family caregiver, Barbara Austin, speaks to the unique challenges faced by family caregivers who have served in the military

Courage. Caregiving takes courage. Who better to face the joys, sorrows, and challenges of caring for a loved one with dementia or other cognitive disorder than a military veteran? Having selflessly served our country, often bearing the emotional weight of war, veterans are well-prepared to face a new battleground: supporting a loved one through the cognitive struggles of dementia. But when it flies in the face of a value system built on the premise to “leave no man/woman behind”, a unique and multifaceted set of caregiving challenges surfaces.

Barbara Austin, a former Air Force Major with 20 years of service, knows the challenges well. She met her husband, James, 46 years ago in the military, right after graduating from Officer Training School. “I was ‘issued’ a husband,” she jokes. Now caring for James—a retired Air Force Lieutenant Colonel in the advanced stages of Parkinson’s disease following exposure to Agent Orange while serving two tours in Vietnam—Barbara has dedicated herself to supporting both him and other veteran family caregivers.

As a facilitator of Duet’s new veteran Finding Meaning and Hope signature 10-week video discussion series, Barbara shares her unique knowledge and experience with veteran family caregivers. The discussion series features videos based on the groundbreaking book, Loving Someone Who Has Dementia: How to Find Hope While Coping with Stress and Grief by Pauline Boss, Ph.D., a leading expert on caregiver grief. Built on solid research and years of practical experience, it offers real help in dealing with the challenges, losses, and rewards of being a family caregiver of someone who is, or is becoming, psychologically absent.

Looking ahead, Barbara knows that, like many other caregivers, she may one day face the agonizing decision to move her loved one to a care facility when caring for him at home is no longer feasible. “When I talk to other military family caregivers, I hear that strong sense of obligation: ‘I could never leave him,’” she says. Even in making this difficult choice, Barbara remains committed to the core value of “leave no one behind,” continuing to support her husband emotionally and ensuring he receives the care he needs—a choice that ultimately serves them both best.

In honor of National Family Caregivers Month, Duet is grateful to help veteran family caregivers who have served our country. Duet offers free-of-charge services as a valuable resource to find one-on-one personalized emotional caregiver support and guidance to navigate the challenging journey of caregiving including diversified virtual and in-person family caregiver support groups throughout Maricopa County, educational webinars, information and referrals, as well as a peer support Mentor/Mentee service. In 2021, Duet expanded nationally by launching the Meaning & Hope Institute, empowering isolated and underserved dementia family caregivers with community support, vital resources, and a path to healing. Family caregivers need support, both emotionally and physically, to prevent burnout and maintain their own well-being while caring for someone who is physically present but psychologically absent. And when the caregiver is a military veteran, a unique type of support system is necessary to destigmatize asking for help and foster a sense of emotional well-being to survive and thrive.

To learn more, please visit meaningandhope.org or contact Duet Family Caregiver Services at (602) 274-5022.